Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
sex in a hospital.. check
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
