If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
