Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
