By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
