so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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