But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
