Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
