question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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