the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
