What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
You made out with two different species that night
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
