just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
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