Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
