ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
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