the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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