I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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