Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!