I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
You're earring is so big in my mouth
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
30+ People Share Their Worst ‘Intimate Experience’ And They’re Traumatizing
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.