He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I have feelings that need drinking.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.