i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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