I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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