somebody snuck up and got me drunk
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
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