I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
