how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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