Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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