I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
