brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
