What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Everything about him screamed your future.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
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