my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
