cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
