Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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