I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
