Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
You are the jesus of drinking
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
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