She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
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