Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
