in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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