If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
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When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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