Little spoons don't ask big questions
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Just high enough for therapy.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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