BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
