I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
