i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
