Your face is a jimmy john
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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