I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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