where am i from again
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
