drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
