That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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