Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
