I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
