I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
Randomize
