Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
