haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Randomize
