I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
