Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
