Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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