K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
