woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
