Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
