my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
