I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I wish i was in the wii world.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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