no, he came in my armpit
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
she peed on how many people?
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
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