I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
