Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
