and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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