The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
