come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Randomize
