I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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