and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
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