I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
