i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
