We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
