I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
