I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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