Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
so that wasnt chicken after all
Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Randomize
