you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
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