guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
