guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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