so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Sorry for prompting a philosophical penis discussion at 10:45 on a Friday night.
Randomize
