omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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