I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
