she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Randomize
