You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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