Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
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